pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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