Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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