this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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