i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
