you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
