i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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