He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
