Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
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I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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