If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
