I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
