I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Randomize
