Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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