God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
