You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
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ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The adults are the big ones right?
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