The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize