Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I wear drunk well.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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