there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
it's like heaven, but drunker
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
