How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
