This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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