I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
