Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
