No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
