I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
