You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
