party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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