As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
