My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Randomize
