everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
