I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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