The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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