My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
