I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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