i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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