Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
