you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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