...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
