in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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