oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
