Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
