My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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