i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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