I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't deserve a penis
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
