Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i've created a new STD.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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