i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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