thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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