You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
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