guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize