do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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