just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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