Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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