You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
