the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
