My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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