Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
