Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
