dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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