her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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