so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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