It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
